I Couldn’t Help It…

supermarket-shopping-bags

I couldn’t help it, I knew I shouldn’t, but I had to. It had my name written all over it and the ice cream was practically within my reach. I mean I had eaten heathy all week apart from the bag of crisps and the cheeseburger and that chocolate bar… OK I HADN’T EATEN HEATHY AT ALL! I resisted the urge and I moved my eyes back to the torn, scrumpled tatty bit of paper with what I needed scribbled all over. It only made sense to me.

With shivers running up my limbs, I headed back down the freezer aisle. I guess my sweater was not enough to keep me warm in November. Shops were always turning the blooming aircon on when it wasn’t flipping necessary!

I started to bob along to the terrible yet slightly catchy music playing from the speakers above my head. I had a horrible taste in music and didn’t know half the songs that played on the radio or many songs at all.

The shop was rapidly emptying as it shut in 30 minutes and I needed to hurry. My eyes started to droop and my limbs fell heavy. I headed down the shop and picked up all that I needed (including some extras). Why was I so tired?

Oh.

My sleeping pattern had been all over the place for the last couple of months. Working late -that was all I really did then. And with no love in my life, I didn’t have to get ready for dates or bother with makeup or uncomfortable ‘fancy’ clothing or share my warm cosy bed that I loved so dearly. It was nearing 11 and I had a pile of work to do at home so I needed to hurry.

Grabbing the last few items on my list, I ran to the till and started unloading my shopping cart out on to the conveyor belt. I shoved my credit card into the machine and carried the weighty bags out of the shop and into my old, scratched heap of metal, which some might refer to as my car. Driving slowly on the empty roads, I soon arrived at the concrete area outside my flat where I parked my car.

My life was a mess.

She climbed out of her car with her keys in hand. Tori heaved the shopping bags out of the boot and slowly trudged towards the outer door to her flat. Suddenly she heard muffled footsteps and she stopped thinking it was her own but they continued. She turned sharply but she couldn’t make much out within the shadows. They were coming closer and closer and becoming louder and lounder until she felt a hand creeping round her shoulder. She didn’t have time to turn round. She didn’t have time to scream. Everything just went black.

barred window

I had just come back round when it started. I was so confused. Where was I? In front of me was the walls of a cramped, dirty, cold room with a barred window up at the top. I had barely opened my eyes and I felt something was wrong. A searing pain started growing in my stomach and was twisting up inside of me. It ran round in circles chasing my heart. Tearing up my insides to shreds, it rampaged through my body with rage. It wound its way down into my pelvis and tied me up in knots. It was a writhing snake struggling to be let free-it needed to escape.

My heartbeat quickened and it thumped in my chest like a drum. It was ringing in my ears and the sound faded and disappeared. The dark walls of the cell started spinning and my body started shaking. Prickles danced down my arm in a cold and furious manner. I felt ice cold. The room started to fade away bit by bit and my breath slowed. It ran away, leaving me in a pool of darkness-a never ending hole.

I just remember the pain. The pain that was seeping through my veins. The pain that was ripping up my insides. The pain that made me want to scream but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t move. My body was paralysed, frozen. I tried to open my eyes but they were glued shut. Flashes of white was all I could see. I wanted to break free of the ropes holding me together. I wanted to let go of the agony that was tearing me apart. The searing pain was growing, bigger and bigger and twisting up inside of me.

That’s all I remember. I don’t know what happened after that. It’s all a blur. Now all I see is black. Darkness a never ending chasm of nothing. I wish that one

day my body will come free of the ropes binding me together. Free of the string holding my soul. Free to live another day again.

I wait.

by Clara


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